


Letters to home

by RachelDanna



Category: Tales of Xillia, Tales of Xillia 2
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-15 22:46:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5803249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachelDanna/pseuds/RachelDanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crumpling the letter in his hands, he throws it into a nearby fire pit that kept the streets illuminated. Tucking his hands into his pockets, he turns to walk into the highroads, weapons and the little amount of items alongside him.</p><p>He didn’t glance back, didn’t even turn to look at the direction of where his mother stayed, yet alone to the unsent letter that was now burning to ashes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters to home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fishupie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishupie/gifts).



> Originally written for a friend! It was nice to see those spams in my inbox, Fishu ;)  
> This is honestly just really self-indulgent >.>

He stared at the letter in his hands, eying his own handwriting with an unreadable expression on his face. Reading the paragraphs silently, his thumb brushed past the indents on the parchment; made when he pressed the quill onto it too hard, staining through the thin sheet of paper.

Sighing, Alvin leaned his head on the side of the window, and closed his eyes. The night air was cool and silent, nearing the colder seasons of Rieze Maxia.

Xian Du was hardly the place for him to be right now, he had jobs to attend to, monsters to kill, information to steal and exchange for money.

“Alfred…”

Alvin turned, arms crossed and a small smile on his face, looking at his mother’s tired face from where she laid on the bed. “Mom-”

“I wonder how’s he doing… he hasn’t visited in a long time. That poor boy, I bet he must be crying his eyes out in that boarding school of his.” She unknowingly cut off.

Alvin walked towards the woman, a forced smile on his face. “Leticia.” He started, pulling the blanket up to her chest, shielding her from the blistering cold of the night air, “Alfred said he’s doing well, remember? School is going along just fine, and he says that he missed eating your peach pie.”

“Oh that’s right,” she smiled, looking at Alvin through her half lidded eyes, “That boy, I should bake him one and ask his father to send it to him. I wonder how the food is there. He always was picky about his food, I do hope he’s eating well.”

Alvin nods, even though he knew that his mother could not see it. “Yeah. I’m sure he’d appreciate that.”

He stayed by her side till she fell asleep, and with another sigh leaving his lips, he left the house, the letter back in his hand as he took a walk through the empty streets, quiet now that the city’s occupants were now in bed.

Crumpling the letter in his hands, he throws it into a nearby fire pit that kept the streets illuminated. Tucking his hands into his pockets, he turns to walk into the highroads, weapons and the little amount of items alongside him.

He didn’t glance back, didn’t even turn to look at the direction of where his mother stayed, yet alone to the unsent letter that was now burning to ashes.

 

_[ Will this ever end? It’s been a half a decade since you’ve left us. I hid mom in a city called Xian Du, it’s loud, at least during the day, but it’s safe. I found someone to take care of her, while I get the money to continue living in this place. Gilland still has your gun, but I’m going to get it back. I promise._

_xx Alfred ]_

 

=

Alvin cried out in pain, feeling the sting shooting up his left shoulder as the arte hit him. Blinking away the tears in his eyes that threatened to fall, he dunked down before it could hit him once more.

Cursing under his breath, and ignoring the blood that seeped through his clothes, he turned around, adrenaline pumping in his system as he fired shot after shot, the data that he stole clutched firmly in his hand. Labari Hallow was a damned place that Alvin officially hated. Experimenting on children? Disgust filled his veins, and for once, he was glad that this job required him to steal the data from this place.

“Get back here you brat!” the guy chasing him yelled, casting artes that Alvin thankfully dodged. Alvin smirked to cover up the fear that he felt, and waved as he ran into a passageway that he had scouted earlier on. “Sorry! No can do! Someone’s paying good money for this data here! Your loss, mister!” he called out, ducking into the passageway and shooting the ceiling, blocking the entry completely.

But even so, Alvin continued running, vision dimming as he lost more and more blood. Stopping for a minute to press a cloth onto his wound, he took in several shaky breaths, and continued to press forward.

After several minutes of running, he huffed and looked around, scanning the area for any sort of threat that could present it self before him. Deeming it safe, he sighed, taking refuge behind a few rocks that easily shielded him from sight, and any other monsters that were out hunting for food.

Looking at the data disk in his hands, he glared at it, and crushed it to pieces, hiding the remains under a few rocks. To hell he’d let his client retrieve such info. If his client had good intentions, he wouldn’t give a damn if Alvin destroyed the disk or not.

Slumping down onto the ground, his vision dimmed even further, and with a shaky hand, he brought out yet another piece of parchment and a quill that somehow survived the battle.

The letter ended up being soaked in his own blood, but even then, Alvin was too unconscious to even care.

 

_[ I want to go home._

_xx Alfred ]_

_=_

She was beautiful.

Her eyes were pink, which was odd, but Alvin found that almost everyone in Rieze Maxia was odd. Her hair was light blonde, almost to the point of white. Her body was delicate, but even from his place, Alvin could tell that she was just as much as a liar that he was.

Smiling, he listened as she talked to him, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. Alvin knew that she was just trying to get information out of him, knew that the name she gave him was fake, knew that her intention was anything but pure.

Nevertheless, Alvin smiled, intrigued by the woman before him. They got closer, shared some intimate moments under the night clime of the city. They smiled together, laughed together, comforted each other, and they loved each other.

She later tells him of her real name; _Jill, her name is Jill;_ and the following details of her mission. Of her organization, of how she lived her life just to survive.

“I love you, Al.”

Alvin loved her too. He didn’t say it back, instead, he chose to smile at her and pull her close, breathing in her scent and closing his eyes to drift off into sleep. He was too afraid to say it back, knowing that this wouldn’t last for long.

Alvin was 21 years old when he experienced the feeling of being loved by a woman apart from his mother. Alvin was 21 years old when he betrayed the only person that tried to break his walls and learn everything about him.

He didn’t mean to. His mother’s health had worsened, and Isla was away for the month, he had to do _something._ His mother would die if he didn’t do something, she would die in a place that neither of them called home. He needed money, and he needed it fast.

And so, Alvin leaked the information Jill had told him to the Rashugal Military. He watched as she suffered, tortured by the soldiers that spared her no mercy. He watched as her colleagues were killed without a hint of leniency.

Alvin watched as anger clouded her eyes, watched as she looked at him with indignation, watched as she yelled in rage, hurt by his actions.

But even so, Jill still loved him. Her eyes conveyed that much, even though it was hidden behind several layers of her pain and anger. Alvin turned away, unable to watch a second longer.

It was 5 years later when he meets her again, with an honours student by his side and a spirit claiming to be Maxwell.

“Al?” she had whispered, the words unheard by Jude and Milla, but sounding perfectly clear in Alvin’s ears. Jill hardly changed. She still had the pink eyes that haunted his dreams, and the light coloured hair that fell down to her hips.

The only difference was the complete lack of fondness that had once reflected in her eyes whenever they met Alvin’s.

“Did you know her?” Jude asked after she was gone, and Alvin laughed, shaking his head. Milla had gone off to who knows where, but neither of them were worried. Milla could to what she wanted. _Unlike you, huh, Alvin._

“She was a client way back when I started this mercenary thing.” Alvin lied smoothly, slinging an arm across the boy’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, kid.”

 

_[ You changed. You don’t look at me like I’m your world anymore. But I suppose that’s for the best huh? This sucks. I never was one to show my emotions properly. I wonder if you’ll ever forgive me. Heard you joined the king’s guard. The Chimeriad was it? Never thought you’d follow someone after your experience with the Rats. But then again, I was the one who ruined that all for you, huh._

_Do I still get to call you Jill? Or do I call you Presa now? That name suits you, but to me, you’ll always just be Jill._

_You don’t deserve me. Why do you still love me? I’m an awful human being._

_I’m sorry._

_xx Al ]_

The letter was sent to her old apartment in Fennmont. Unread and collecting dust in the mailbox that read Mink, Jill’s (or was it Presa now?) former alias name.

It was a month later that a new couple moved into the space, and the letter burned in their fireplace, never seeing the light of day ever again.

 

= 

The following events that happened made Alvin’s head hurt and his heart pound in his chest.

For starters, his mother died.

Alvin had screamed, cursed Isla for doing that to him, even though he should have expected it coming. Should have expected that because _what the hell was I thinking? Of course she would betray me. Of course._

_Of course of course of course._

Self-loathing followed him that day, for unable to bring his mother back home to Elympios. Just the thought of his mother dead made his throat clench painfully, his thoughts jumble up, and his hands shake.

He nearly got himself killed that day, fighting an elite monster. If it weren’t for Jude, he would have been killed and made lunch.

After that, Gilland died.

His uncle is dead.

With shaky hands, he takes the golden gun from him, cold to the touch but holding memories that he never let go off.

Taking a parchment from his pocket, he slips it into Gilland’s coat, and sighs.

 

_[ I got your gun back, dad. Is mom there with you? Please take care of her, and give uncle another punch for me, will you?_

_I love you both. But why did you two leave me? I’m scared. This journey isn’t what I expected it to be. I wish I could’ve gone home with you. I should have died._

_xx Alfred ]_

 

(maybe he should’ve let that monster kill him. Maybe he should have died. Maybe if that happened, he wouldn’t be doing this again. Betraying Jude and Milla and Elize and his home.)

_Home? What home? Did he start thinking of them as home now? No no no! This is all wrong! There isn’t a home for him anymore! Elympios is his home! But Milla’s dead, and the schism isn’t dispelled and he wanted this to stop already. He wants this all to stop and_

_He just wants to go home._

He joined Presa; _Jill;_ and the Chimeriad that day, after fighting Jude and sparing his life for reasons that still weren’t clear for him.

All that he knows was that it was a cycle of betrayal that he couldn’t escape, and he watches Jill fall to her death, shock soon replaced by a smile when she saw Alvin rushing to save her.

_This is where you belong Al, with Jude and your friends. I forgive you, so please live your life being happy this time._

Alvin watched as she falls right off the Hallowmount, feels the horror seeping into his bones. But knowing that she had forgave him; had loved him right to the very last second of her life, made Alvin choke. 

He closed his eyes, letting a small sad smile dust his features. With shaky hands, he pulls out a letter, written 5 years ago, _too long ago,_ but never having the courage to send it.

 

_[ I love you too_

_xx Al ]_

He rips the paper into half; ignoring the quizzical stares the group gives him. Throwing it after Jill, he sighs, looking up at the dark sky.

Jill forgave him.

Jude forgave him.

Of course they forgave him. They were too nice for their own good. Even so, Alvin smiled, albeit shaky, but he smiled. Jude turned away, distrust in his eyes. He expected that, and he would do whatever the hell he had to to get that trust back.

 

=

_He’s home._

Elympios.

But Alvin couldn’t help but feel miserable. Milla was back, the group was cheerier, and _he was home._ He should be happy, but he wasn’t. All this time, he was chasing to get back there, but once he did, he felt empty.

This wasn’t home. His home was with his mother and his father. His home was his childhood, long gone and dead just like his parents.

Balan smiled sadly at Alvin, and Alvin turned away, flustered but not saying a word. If only his mother was alive, if only he had gotten her to come back home with it.

Sighing, Alvin ventures out of the apartment complex, sitting on the swings like how he once did when he was 5 years old. It was nostalgic, but he couldn’t help but feel a little sad.

It was the night before the final battle, and yet, uneasiness settled over him. Letting out a shaky breath, he looks up at the night sky, so much more different than Rieze Maxia.

Hearing footsteps behind him, Alvin forces the tears behind his eyes, and waits for the person to speak up.

“What are you doing, Alvin?” Elize asks, Teepo in cradled in her hands. Looking at her as she walks up to his side, Alvin responds, “Figured I’d stay away since everyone’s so sick of me.”

“Maybe because you’re a big fat liar.” Teepo responds, and Alvin did his damnest to not flinch. His following words sounded more like a sigh than a proper sentence. “Yeah... that’s just who I am alright.” He looks at the girl, “And what about you, Elize?” she looks at him, and turns away, sitting on the swing next to him. “Wondering what to do?”

“Yeah. I just don’t know what the right choice is.”

“Well, you’re talking to the wrong guy,” he looks towards the ground, “I don’t know much about being a kid. Never really had a childhood.”

Silence settled over them for a few seconds, but Elize soon broke it. “So were you a member of Exodus ever since you were a little boy?” her question was harmless, a genuine curious question, that didn’t mean it didn’t sting though.

Deciding to be truthful and answer for once, Alvin nods, “Yeah, that’s right. I thought it was okay to trick people. When things would go bad, I’d just disappear.” He paused, waiting a response, whem none presented itself, he continued. “I’d take the path of least resistance. I pretty much just did whatever didn’t hurt me, that’s all.”

_He still ended up hurt._

“Then, does that mean you won’t be going with Milla and Jude?”

The question of the night.

A question that Alvin already had an answer to.

“You know what? That kid forces me to wake up and face reality.” He started, looking up to the sky once more. “They’re all just so mature, the way they hide their real feeling about me.”

“Oh now I get it,” Teepo speaks, “you’re _lonely_ , aren’t you Alvin?”

At this point, Alvin really isn’t surprised that they could read him so easily anymore. Travelling with them for months, he would be surprised if they _didn’t._

“I’ve never been much for expressing my feelings, I suppose.” He gestures, “but even if they do hate me, I have to stick it out. I’m not leaving this time.” He answers her question at last, determination set.

“So does that mean, you really want to be their friend again?” Elize asks.

Alvin sighs, slumping down a little, “I learned that building real trust with people is a lot more work than you think.” Which was true. He went through a decade and more lying and betraying, using trust against the people he lied to, without realizing that that wasn’t trust at all.

“Being a grown up sounds like an awful lot of pain.” Teepo supplied, and Alvin had to look away again. 

“It seems like the older you get, the tougher it is to share your feelings with others.” He sighs, “anyway, no one would want to be friends with _me_ until I can make the first move.” Which was the truth that had been drilled into his head countless of times. “It’s hard, but it sure beats being alone.”

“I wonder, what I’m supposed to do now? What do I have to do to become happy?” Elize mutters.

That was the same question Alvin had asked himself over and over again, there was a time where he didn’t think _happiness was even possible for him._

Looking at Elize, he can’t stop but think how much _unalike_ she is comparing to himself, and Alvin sighed, “Well, it’s different for everyone. You just have to find what works for you. I’m sure you know what you want by now?”

“I guess so.” She started, a smile on her face now. “It hasn’t been easy. But I learned a lot travelling with everybody. I know that, I definitely don’t want to stop. That’s for sure. I wanna keep learning more, and I want to make some new friends!”

“Yeah,” Alvin chuckles, “That sounds pretty good to me.”

“Some help you are.” Teepo chastised, making Alvin look up in mock amusement, “I told you.” He laughed, an empty sound, “I’m the wrong guy to ask about this stuff. Sorry about that, kid.”

Alvin closed his eyes, fully expecting some sort of retort now. What he didn’t expect was _the kiss on his cheek._

“Huh?” Alvin squawked, bewilderment lacing his features.

Elize smiled down at him, “That’s a ‘thank you’, I just wanted you to know that from now on, I’m going to be your friend. ‘kay?” She announced. And just like that, she ran off, leaving Alvin with his hand pressed to his cheek.

Snapping out of it as soon as Elize was gone, he sighed, ducking his head low, “How come the _kids_ are the wisest people in this group?”

But even so, Alvin found a small smile creeping up on his face. Friends, huh?

Alvin sighed once more, getting up to stretch. It was going to be a long day once he woke up, and with that thought in mind, along with Elize’s smile accompanying him, he made his way back up to the apartment, fully intending to have a good night’s rest.

 

_[ This is home. Thank you, everyone._

_xx Alvin ]_

 

 

His friends were home. And that, in the end, was all that mattered.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Presa’s story with Alvin never really got a lot of recognition, and so, I decided to change that. I didn’t expect the fic to be so… long. But ayyy what’s done is done am I right :’D Oh well.


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